Unfinished
by Mika Uriah
Summary: Despite the loss of Ashley, Helen had no idea how lucky she had it. It's okay though Adam is there to remind her - Character Death. Tissue warning.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/ N: not sure where this came from…the ending is kind of out there, but..I think my muse broke or something…lol  
A/N2: Kleenex warning – character death.

000

"You are lucky you know Helen," Adam found Helen Magnus sitting by her daughter's empty casket where it still laid after her funeral, fresh flowers laid on top of the lid.

"Not now Adam," she whispered her voice cracked she was wearing a black pant suit, her hair was tied back, was she still in mourning? 3 years later? Was it longer than that now that she had to go through the 113 year of solitude? Did you ever get over the death of a child? Weather it was a year ago or 200 years ago? Would the pain still be there? Only Adam Worth and Helen Magnus could answer those questions, couldn't they?

"Now is the perfect time Helen, you are so lucky," he rested a hand on her shoulder and swiped her brunette hair back, off of her lovely face, "when a mother looses a child, the world seems to stop for her; everyone takes her hand and asks the obligatory 'how are you doing dear?' You weren't raised Male in back in Oxford, Helen, you don't know what it's like; having something traumatic happen to you like the loss of your daughter and everyone expects you to buck it up because you're the father and it wasn't really "your loss to begin with", just the mother's. It doesn't matter that I lost Patricia when Imogene was a baby and it was me that was raising her! I was that girl's mother and father! But no one thought of that now did they? Not once when they told me to 'buck up and have another drink, ol' chap!" his voice was strained with anger even though it happened all of those years ago. "You five were the only ones I could cry in front of and you wouldn't judge me. I can't count the number of times that your boys hugged me through a tear-filled drunken stupor and didn't judge me for it and for that I will be forever indebted to them."

Helen took a shattering breath but didn't say anything, she was too afraid to bear the scars on her soul and he was just too accurate for words.

"Can I ask you something, Helen?"

She nodded; somehow she managed to do that.

"Do you grieve for her still, like it just happened yesterday? Do you still ask yourself those questions and put yourself through so much grief and emotional turmoil that your stomach and everything inside of you just knots up?" He studied her face "you know the questions I mean: Am I still a parent? Does she still have a birthday? Can I still love and grow and bond with her or is my role as a parent just…finished? Do you still ask yourself those questions?" he walked around the room "I've read a few of those grieving books: those five step, 12 steps, 99 steps to heal a broken heart and move on with your life books; and they are all the same. They don't tell you that when you lose child apart of you is ripped out with it, a part of you dies and you are stuck on this road as a parent that only begins an even lonelier journey than ever expected. They never explain how there isn't a middle or an end to this grief, and that everything seems to be unfinished," he studied her eyes, they locked and neither could let go "or is it just me that feels that way? That you have all of these hopes and dreams for them and everything is just stopped-and far, far too soon."

He walked closer towards her and she was still frozen listening to his words as he continued to speak: "They don't explain to expect that you are going to be left with empty arms, no matter how old she is and an empty heart. You are kind of hoping that maybe you could deal with one of the other, but how do you deal with both at the same time? And why for all that is holy no one dares talk about this?! It is like…Nothing can ever be complete when a child's life ends and yet everyone expects you to move on – Do you still feel inadequate? Incomplete? Like you could've changed it? Especially the _way_ Ashley died? I mean it's not like she was sick, she off'd herself to save you!" he laughed a sick choke of a laughter and then sobered up again "do you? Do you still try to fit the pieces back into your life like a puzzle and now that Ashley is gone the puzzle picture changed or none of the pieces fit? Everything is so empty without her, now isn't it? So...unfinished?"

"Yes," Helen's voice finally broke and she started to cry, "God! Yes! Adam! Yes! That's it…that's everything that's..."

She never seen him come up behind her again until the hand on her shoulder made her jump, the gentle squeeze of solidarity of two friends bounded and bonded by something so soul crushing that only they could understand, she jumped for a split second when she felt the touch, but managed to relax at the same time "I don't get it," she managed to say through tears "why do you think I'm lucky? It hurts Adam! It actually physically hurts…"

She stopped talking when she seen the glint of the metal out of the corner of her eye, the metal of the blade hitting the natural light of the window that came in to where her daughter was buried and touch the casket almost every day, the warmth of the sunlight often felt like a hug, and Helen bathed in that hugging feeling more than she cared to admit.

"Because my dear Helen," he whispered in her ear as he brought the knife to her throat "you're going to be able to see her again…" It was the thing she heard as the blood from her throat painted the concrete around her daughter's grave.


End file.
